I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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