Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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