i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
