this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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