Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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