I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
