***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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