I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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