I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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