Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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