my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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