Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
