i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
