I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
