I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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