I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
