Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
