I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
