Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
