it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
