Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Rumble strips road head = magical
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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