In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
