3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
