then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
