You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Randomize
