At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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