Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
