I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
