Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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