i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
