I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
