Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
