The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
