I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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