new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
