The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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