one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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