Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
