i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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