i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Thank you for not boning my boss.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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