you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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