wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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