im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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