Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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