there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
