Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
