I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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