question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
