Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
