I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
