it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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