Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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