and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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