I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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