Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have tasted many bathrooms
My vagina just clenched in fear
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
